My Morphine Experience

I worry that one day my body will become so tolerant to medication that there will be nothing left to stop the pain.

The first time I had morphine was definitely an experience. I managed to dodge it for a long time. I know having morphine means you’ve reached a pretty significant stage pain wise and I didn’t want to go there. It was inevitable though, and happened in 2018. I’ve had morphine every time that I’ve been in hospital since which really worries me. It signifies that the pain is getting worse, and while I’m not against hospitals, I’d much rather deal with my pain at home. Unfortunately you can’t do that with morphine level pain, I think they do prescribe it, but only in certain situations. I don’t think I’d trust myself with it anyway. I’m really good with my medication, but sometimes, especially when you have things to do, pain is just an inconvenience and you want that quick solution to get rid of it. I feel like that’s what morphine would become. I’m already at the stage where I take codeine for my period pain, which admittedly is normally really bad. But often that’s because I know it kicks in faster than ibuprofen, not because that’s my level of pain.

Anyway, morphine is an interesting one. I imagine it affects everyone differently, but I honestly felt like my brain had floated out of my head. My cousin works in A&E and my mom and her were having way too much fun watching my reaction. Interestingly though, the morphine only worked for about 20 minutes and then I was back in pain again. And after that date, it has never really been effective.

That right there is one of my biggest concerns. I worry that one day my body will become so tolerant to medication that there will be nothing left to stop the pain. I’m not sure how rational that is. I have little knowledge about pharmaceuticals and I know there are many different drugs out there. But I don’t think I should be going to hospital for every crisis I have. For one it’s an inconvenience, and secondly I don’t want to be taking up the bed space for someone that needs it. But if there are no effective medications left for me that I can get over the counter, or prescribed by the doctor, then what option is there? I know that morphine is not as effective as it once was, neither is codeine or ibuprofen.

I try now to only take pain medication when I really need it. That involves colds or really minor crises. Is this the right thing to do? I have no clue – perhaps it is a concern I should address with a health professional. I haven’t told her the specifics, but my mom does encourage me to take medication when I am ill. She was a nurse, so her advice has some weight but then I imagine she is only saying that so I can get over whatever illness I have as quickly as possible. It’s a tough dilemma that could be completely unfounded, who knows. But again a nice thing to get off my chest. Sometimes it’s only when I start writing do these things really come out. I was just planning to discuss how loopy morphine made me and look what happened.

Although I don’t mind talking about Sickle, I do admit that it sometimes can be depressing, discussing the pain and daily struggles so I hope that this was a little lighter. If anyone’s reading this in real time, have a great Christmas, it’s a time to be grateful for what you have and I’m trying my best to do so. I couldn’t really ask for more in my life so it’s not hard for me, and I hope that’s a trait I share with most people. Finally, sorry I’ve been a week late, coming home for Christmas is full of distractions and honestly I haven’t had much alone time with my thoughts to have material to write.

It’s an extra festive Christmas Gravity Time people, brace yourself.

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve

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