Sometimes I just need a good shake and for someone to tell me that it’s okay to ask for help.
The worst thing my condition has given me is a ‘sorry to bother you’ mentality. I’m not sure whether that’s the British in me or it is a result of my condition but I need to resent it for something. I remember being in primary school and being in excruciating pain. We had to do some arts and crafts project and I was too weak to even pick up the scissors. I don’t know what time of day it was but I waited until the end of school, my dad picked me up that day and we caught a bus home. We walked home from the bus stop and halfway there I just broke down, I was in so much pain. I’m not sure if I thought that by keeping quiet the pain would just go away but deep down I know I didn’t want to bother anyone.
In last week’s post I said that 2011 was my earliest memory of being in hospital, and that still remains true. This was primary school so it would have been before 2009, I’d probably say 2006/7 maybe. But after admitting I was in pain, I have no clue what happened next. I assume I did go to hospital because the pain must have been really bad, and my Dad bless him probably wouldn’t have been able to deal with it at home. But the point still stands, one day I’ll look into why my memory is so patchy, but for now back on topic.
I’m like that now though, regarding the whole ‘sorry to bother you’ ethos, but I am getting better. I can recognise that it will be worse the longer I wait and that sometimes I need to speak up. It’s funny because I’m always one of the loudest in a group, but wait for me to say that I’m in pain and you’ll forget I’m there. I think I just want to crawl into a corner and deal with it myself. Sometimes (rarely), that’s an effective method, but most times you need someone to shove some tablets at you and wrap you in something warm.
The other day I had really bad chest pain, so I rang the doctors for an emergency appointment. The receptionist asked if it was an emergency because they were fully booked. I caught myself just before saying “No, it’s not an emergency” and instead made sure I got an appointment. I was proud of that honestly, I know it’s tiny but it meant a lot to me, and it showed that I was making some progress.
Sometimes I just need a good shake and for someone to tell me that it’s okay to ask for help. I realise it sounds so simple and I’m sure plenty of people have said that to me in the past, but it’s a conclusion I needed to reach by myself. I can’t say I’m all the way there – I probably never will be – but I’m getting to a comfortable point. So that’s the knowledge I’m imparting this week, I don’t know who needs to hear it, or if anyone but me struggles with this, but the post is here and here it will stay.
Anyway, onto our joke portion. I did a Google for antonyms of the word ‘joke’, since I couldn’t think of anything particularly good. Anti-joke was a potential idea, but it sounds a bit odd I’ll admit. Google didn’t throw up any amazing answers either. Possible suggestions are: dullness, stolidity, stupidity, gravity, tragedy, and work.
I love the idea that work is the complete opposite to a joke – amazing. I feel that at times, I once got feedback saying I was too sarcastic, I have no words. Anyway I’ll use gravity I think, it makes absolutely no sense so it’s perfect. So making its confessions debut – it’s gravity time.
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains
Well pull yourself together